Ok, so I wouldn’t necessarily say I was excited to get my gums grafted – but, a week without eating (because obviously it was gonna be too painful) and floating around on a Vicodin cloud was going to equal a happy, skinny, Laura. Well, unfortunately for me – and any other living organism within a 28 mile radius, this just wasn’t the case. At. All.
As it turns out, I didn’t really have any pain, and rather than being put on a temporary ‘happy pill’ of some sort, I was given…… STEROIDS. Steroids? Really? Ok, I can do a round o’ roids, I mean, I don’t think a little extra bulge in the biceps deptartment is exactly a bad thing! Well, as it turns out, I’m no pharmacist, and these STEROIDS were not going to win me this years’ gun show. THESE EFFING PILLS MADE ME NUTS. As in bat sh#t crazy, as in get the eff away from me before I kill you - dogs and husband not exempt. I am talking straight loony tunes, get out the white coat kind of insanity. Oh, and I was on my period too.
Have you ever combined PMS with STEROIDS??!! It is safe to say that this type of concoction may have been the driving motive behind some of history’s biggest headlines, ie: Jeffery Dahmer and Ted Bundy.
Now let’s get to the food part.
Frankly, I could have been an 8 on the Wong-Baker pain scale, but it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference - I WAS GONNA PILE FOOD INTO MY PIE HOLE LIKE IT WAS MY LAST DAY ON EARTH because apparently being off your rocker isn’t enough, these pills also cause slightly unusual and highly caloric activities to take place, such as seeing how many scoops of dry Quaker Oats you can consume in one sitting.
Yes, this really happened. Just ask my husband. Although, he will probably say it was a wonderful side effect – due to my mouths’ lack of ability to multitask, he actually wasn’t being screamed at here.