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Peanut Butter and the Bride

Posted by: Laura on September 5, 2012

Hello Friends! I have finally taken my spoon out of a jar of peanut butter long enough to write a much over due newsletter. I also have some profound advice that I thought to be “share worthy” and that advice is: DON’T BUY PEANUT BUTTER A WEEK BEFORE YOUR WEDDING!!!!!!

Let me back up two days and set up the scenario for you-I am getting married on September 8th and as part of my plan to look and feel my best on that day, I decided to dedicate 30 days to intense workouts (including Bikram Yoga, or the Sweat Box, as my Maid of Honor very accurately describes it, but that is a whole other blog in itself) extremely clean eating, and apparently AN ENTIRE JAR OF FREAKIN’ PEANUT BUTTER!

So after 23 days of eating only the following foods:



Greek Yogurt


Oat Bran

Sweet Potatoes



Raw Nuts

And drinking only water (and coffee, because life w/o coffee isn’t worth living, in my opinion), I ventured to the store and made TWO not so great decisions:


Now, let’s be honest-after 23 days of no bread, chocolate, bread, frozen yogurt, bread, licorice, bread, wine, bread, cheese, or bread (and yes, I realize 23 days is a very SHORT amount of time) but we are talking about a girl who would choose sitting down with an un-toasted loaf of Wonder Bread to a steak and lobster dinner at Fleming’s any day of the week.

Don’t tell my future husband, but I was caught on film having a brief albeit sweet love affair in the local Target bread aisle on day 22.

Ok, back to the P-Butter.

Actually, it started with the rice cakes on the aisle end cap. WHO PUTS RICE CAKES ON AN END CAP ANYWAY??!!! Aren’t end caps supposed to be reserved for really good stuff? I generally only shop the store perimeters, because as you can tell from the above photo, aisles get me into trouble!

Having not been interested in rice cakes since a burn out on them in the 90’s, I innocently but curiously picked up a pack to read the facts. Whole grain brown rice, no salt, 40 cals. How do they even stick these things together, I pondered as they swiftly made their way into my cart. I didn’t care-they reminded me of bread in a kind of guilt-free way that only a Bread Addicts Anonymous member could appreciate.

And that’s when in happened. I turn the corner into the produce area and what have they decided to move from who knows where to the produce shelving??? My eyes move quickly away from the broccoli and brussel sprouts, becoming permanently affixed on the newly relocated peanut butter. Laura Scudders. Hmmm, don’t they use peanuts and only peanuts? How bad can that be? Nuts are a large part of my diet-so a little bit of them ground up on one of these little 40 calorie faux breads can’t be all that bad. Or can it?

That night before bed I treated myself to a little bedtime snack. Ever heard the saying “sex with your pants on”? That’s exactly what this was, and today, 2 days later there isn’t a trace of rice or a morsel of a peanut to be found around here.

So my friends, here is to a week of hell at the gym, a good final dress fitting on Thursday, marrying the love of my life on Saturday, and living happily ever after-sans PEANUT BUTTER!

Yours in health, love, and usually good decisions,






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